I just saw this today, thank you RedBox. Though I’m not so sure I should be thanking you.
OK, if it was an original movie not based on 50 years of Marvel’s iconic superhero…it almost had me.
If it was something cooked up in the bowels of Sony as some new original production, I was kinda buying it. Grounded in near reality, with a touch of fiction for spice.
Until the end. The cranes is when I lost it. The cranes – that quickly, with the mounting chaos, not just in time, but near instant?
And then it goes downhill quickly.
The bullet wound. OK, a very bright kid, but maybe not the most common sense, and a few things on his mind, but he finally thought of bandaging the wound? OK, I buy that. But not bleeding out in the cross city trek to that point?
I get it. The lizard regenerates. Really well. But the liquid nitrogen thing? Really? Even super regeneration requires energy. Not tired in the slightest? OK, maybe Lizard was still running on adrenaline and wouldn’t show the effects yet. So bullet wounds. Shot off frozen body parts. That assumes liquid nitrogen wouldn’t do other, not quite so easily repaired things.
And the mice that clues in Peter the Lizard may be dangerous? Was that Fred in the lab eating Wilma? Grisly, but sure, that fit the story. And Peter didn’t raise an alarm? Did he just calmly walk out and down the hall, leaving the office building full of thousands of innocent and unsuspecting people, with this obviously carnivorous and dangerous super-sized reptilian-rodent to roam freely?
And I love Denis Leary, but if he’s going to do drama, he needs to buff up his acting skills. Though maybe, given the rest of the film, the director told him to dumb down his talent. So as not to show up the rest of the movie.
The actors weren’t bad. It was the script that really sucked rocks. They had a pretty good and somewhat novel take on the story. Until then 3rd act, when they threw out whatever writing skills they had and tried to force it. Too much. Too big. Too sappy.
Compare this with Sam Raimi’s 2002 masterpiece1. Uncle Ben’s death. Confronting the mugger. The bridge. Osborn’s death (William Dafoe’s whole performance was one of his best). The graveyard scene at the end. Hell, even the webslinging-porn end scenes. The Sony 2012 greedfest would have been a decent, 3-out-of-4-stars production on its own merits. Not equal to Raimi’s Spider-Man, but would have been worthy in its own right. And then, the 3rd act. The difference between talent at the height of its game, a deftly written, acted, shot, edited and scored production that knowingly tugs all the right emotional responses — and not.
The difference between an artist — and a hack.
I saw the Total Recall remake and while not as good as the 1990 Arnold movie it wasn’t a total loss. Colin Farrell was good, and Kate Beckinsale was even better (it’s always fun to be the villain, and she was consistently a more interesting and enjoyable character than Farrell. He was good, but not as consistently great across the whole film. Perhaps the script was to blame, but in the end product, her performance was more entertaining to watch). I am sooooo very glad I didn’t pay to see Total Recall in the theater, and I even debated fast forwarding through parts and wondering if I really wanted to spend the rest of the 2 hours watching the rest, but it was consistently so-so punctuated with moments of entertainment. And as a whole, it smoked The Amazing Spider-Man’s 3rd act.
Given the obvious unresolved elements about Peter’s parents (and the end-scene for those who had any doubts), Sony obviously wants to make a sequel. Of course, given the loot haul from the previous films. One can only pray they hire the folks who write acts 1 and 2, and studiously ignore whoever was involved in act 3.
One can hope.
1There is only one Spider-Man movie. Just as there were only 3 Star Wars movies, 2 Superman movies (all hail Zod and 2 Highlander movies (the less said about Highlander 2: The Sickening, the better. I won’t even link it – you know how to use the intertubes. Just remember, I warned you). Not that Spider-Man 2 and 3 were terrible, per se. But not only failing to meet their potential (especially the 3rd), they pale in every way in comparison to the 1st. And even the worst excesses of the 3rd were Mozart compared to this remake’s 3rd act.